Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
