Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
