my mouth tastes like poor choices
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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