why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
