i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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