all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
