WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
