anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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