i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
