You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
