mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
