are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
