shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
