Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
