if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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