1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think my mom watched the whole time
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
