I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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