and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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