mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
