I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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