He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
