90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
