Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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