I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Randomize
