Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
