Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
