i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
