Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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