I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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