I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
