If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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