By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're like the curious george of whores
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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