he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize
