found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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