Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
