why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ok first of all what the fuck
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
