Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am naked and annoyed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
