No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
