end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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