Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
