If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
