And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
