the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
