so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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