Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
