Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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