I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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