You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
