i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
