God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
