Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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