my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
