I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
