YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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