He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
