Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
