it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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