Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
