I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
